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Hello there sweetheart(s)! I'm Wan Chi and welcome to my personal space. I grew up in lovely Malaysia and I'm based in London now. You're welcome to explore as much as you want and ask any questions but please, be nice and be respectful. Thanks! ♥


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  March Musings

this isn’t really a blog post about anything , it’s more of a recollection of my feelings throughout this month and i think its important to record it down so i can read it and reflect back on it in the future :)

if you were here expecting some pictures or a post about my life , then i apologize in advance for the wordy post i am about to write :(

 

okay so a few weeks ago , something made me really sad . i won’t tell you guys what it is , but i think you guys have a pretty good guess on what it is . and when i say “really sad” , i mean SUPER sad . in fact , i don’t think i’ve ever felt that kind of sadness in a long time … whatever that happened killed me to the core and i was so hurt that i cried every night for days . i was truly at my weakest point and i felt so down about everything . it was okay during the day time because i went to school and had friends to distract me , but every night when i was alone , the memories just seem to come back and haunt me and i would end up sitting in a corner and try to think about what went wrong .

even though all i wanted back then was for everything to go back to the way it was , i knew i had to move on . i asked for advise from various people and tumblr-ed a lot HAHAHAHA . but even so , i was still having a hard time trying to cope . every single day i had to push back the urge to text him and i just wished and wished that somehow he’d come back to me but the harsh reality is that of course , he wouldn’t . it was so hard to get through everyday , knowing that whatever i did would have no point anymore . (those who study Sejarah (form 4 chapter 9) , let me just say that this period was the Zaman Gelap of my year HAHAHA)

i can’t stop stressing about how emotionally broken i was back then , there was even once where i just broke down in the bathroom for 10 minutes because i felt so terribly awful . but right from the start , i knew i had to be strong and move on . so i started picking up the pieces . (Zaman Reformasi starting LOLOL )

 

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i was really lucky because in during the time where i was at my weakest , my school was super busy with their preparations for Sports Day . thus , lots of lessons at school were disrupted as a lot of students were not in class . so i took a week off school , mainly to pull myself back together and also to study for the upcoming exams .

 

during my week off , i did all sorts of things to distract myself . i studied shitloads , baked a lot , worked out a little , played piano etc etc . and even though the feelings still came back to haunt me sometimes , they were slowly fading away . and ever since i picked recovery and moving on , every morning i prayed to God to give me strength to pull through . and miraculously , i regained my positivity little by little .

 

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it was so hard picking myself up and trying to be okay again , but i’m glad to say i eventually pulled through in the grace of God . from that point onwards , things started to get better . i may have lost a relationship , but i gained stronger bonds in my friendship with my friends , and i had the time of my life with them after exams . my hardcore studying paid off , and i got really satisfying results this term . and honestly i am so glad the fire within me is still burning since Bible Camp ‘13 … and at that point i was so so happy with my life , with so many good things coming to me and nothing standing in my way and i never want that happy feeling to end because IT FELT SOOOO GOOD TO BE HAPPY AGAIN .

 

and yes of course , i moved on for the better . i stopped looking back , because i knew the moment i start to look back , i would be falling into old patterns again .. so i looked forward and remained positive , and sooner or later it was no longer hard for me to look at photos of him or talk to him .

 

so i guess my whole point of writing this post is to remind myself in the future , that whenever things seem to take a toll at you , always turn back to God and be positive , because you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain . and right now i’m so glad because my rainbow is shining bright and strong :) the purpose of this post is also to remind myself that i am stronger than i think , and i can get through all the darkest moments in life and someday i will look back at these moments and thank myself for being strong .

 

ending my post here , if you managed to read till the end , congrats !!! HAHAAH

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