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queen
Hello there sweetheart(s) ! I'm Wan Chi and welcome to my personal space . I reside in lovely Malaysia and I am a child of God . You're welcome to explore as much as you want and ask any questions but please , be nice and be respectful . Thank you ! ♥


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  March Musings

this isn’t really a blog post about anything , it’s more of a recollection of my feelings throughout this month and i think its important to record it down so i can read it and reflect back on it in the future :)

if you were here expecting some pictures or a post about my life , then i apologize in advance for the wordy post i am about to write :(

 

okay so a few weeks ago , something made me really sad . i won’t tell you guys what it is , but i think you guys have a pretty good guess on what it is . and when i say “really sad” , i mean SUPER sad . in fact , i don’t think i’ve ever felt that kind of sadness in a long time … whatever that happened killed me to the core and i was so hurt that i cried every night for days . i was truly at my weakest point and i felt so down about everything . it was okay during the day time because i went to school and had friends to distract me , but every night when i was alone , the memories just seem to come back and haunt me and i would end up sitting in a corner and try to think about what went wrong .

even though all i wanted back then was for everything to go back to the way it was , i knew i had to move on . i asked for advise from various people and tumblr-ed a lot HAHAHAHA . but even so , i was still having a hard time trying to cope . every single day i had to push back the urge to text him and i just wished and wished that somehow he’d come back to me but the harsh reality is that of course , he wouldn’t . it was so hard to get through everyday , knowing that whatever i did would have no point anymore . (those who study Sejarah (form 4 chapter 9) , let me just say that this period was the Zaman Gelap of my year HAHAHA)

i can’t stop stressing about how emotionally broken i was back then , there was even once where i just broke down in the bathroom for 10 minutes because i felt so terribly awful . but right from the start , i knew i had to be strong and move on . so i started picking up the pieces . (Zaman Reformasi starting LOLOL )

 

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i was really lucky because in during the time where i was at my weakest , my school was super busy with their preparations for Sports Day . thus , lots of lessons at school were disrupted as a lot of students were not in class . so i took a week off school , mainly to pull myself back together and also to study for the upcoming exams .

 

during my week off , i did all sorts of things to distract myself . i studied shitloads , baked a lot , worked out a little , played piano etc etc . and even though the feelings still came back to haunt me sometimes , they were slowly fading away . and ever since i picked recovery and moving on , every morning i prayed to God to give me strength to pull through . and miraculously , i regained my positivity little by little .

 

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it was so hard picking myself up and trying to be okay again , but i’m glad to say i eventually pulled through in the grace of God . from that point onwards , things started to get better . i may have lost a relationship , but i gained stronger bonds in my friendship with my friends , and i had the time of my life with them after exams . my hardcore studying paid off , and i got really satisfying results this term . and honestly i am so glad the fire within me is still burning since Bible Camp ‘13 … and at that point i was so so happy with my life , with so many good things coming to me and nothing standing in my way and i never want that happy feeling to end because IT FELT SOOOO GOOD TO BE HAPPY AGAIN .

 

and yes of course , i moved on for the better . i stopped looking back , because i knew the moment i start to look back , i would be falling into old patterns again .. so i looked forward and remained positive , and sooner or later it was no longer hard for me to look at photos of him or talk to him .

 

so i guess my whole point of writing this post is to remind myself in the future , that whenever things seem to take a toll at you , always turn back to God and be positive , because you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain . and right now i’m so glad because my rainbow is shining bright and strong :) the purpose of this post is also to remind myself that i am stronger than i think , and i can get through all the darkest moments in life and someday i will look back at these moments and thank myself for being strong .

 

ending my post here , if you managed to read till the end , congrats !!! HAHAAH

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